Adoption Travelogue: Part VI

And then he was ours. The social workers handed us three shopping bags containing all of his worldly possessions. Well, almost. It was mostly bottles and formula and short sets covered in feminine prints. I am so grateful that I noticed a few playthings missing that we had sent over from the states. One thing in particular I was wanting was a bear that we had made for Oaks hoping it would arrive in time for his first birthday, in our absence. It had taken two separate trips to Build-a-Bear to get the voice recorded message just right. If you press the bear's paw, you will hear, in under 20 seconds - "Hi, Oaks this is Daddy...we miss you! This is Mommy...we love you! This is Eva, this is Oliver...come home soon!" No small feat, I tell you. I was not leaving that bear in Thailand. The social workers remembered the missing items and assured us that they would get them to us in the next couple days. Earlier that morning the hotel had delivered a crib to the room and reality had begun to set in. We did not have expectations of him sleeping in the crib but it was nice to have there as emotional support. The social workers said goodbye and we headed upstairs. Sadly, Oaks had to have several vaccines earlier in the morning before he arrived at the hotel. Talk about kicking you while you're down. He seemed subdued and aware. Photos become increasingly rare after that first day together when all cameras were blazing. We took a photographic sabbatical in hopes of not upsetting him any more than necessary. The monumental day that we had been waiting for for so long passed by with little fanfare. It was even surprisingly easy to get him to go to sleep that night. He woke up a couple of times, looked at us, then shut his eyes tight and fell quickly back asleep, preferring dreams to reality. We were given a sheet of paper prior to Oaks' arrival, detailing out the specifics of his day to day. For example, and I quote, "He is bathed 3 -5 times a day and then covered with talcum powder, particularly on his face." (!) And, "He takes four bottles a day and three during the night." (!!) My newborns didn't get up that often. That first night he was needing some additional comfort food so he went ahead and took four bottles throughout those dark hours. This kid is going to be the very first Thai linebacker. But something else happened that night while we slept. Apparently Sean snuck out and hung the moon. I have no other explanation for what transpired next. While I was getting ready the next morning, Sean and Oaks headed down for breakfast. I arrived about fifteen minutes after them. Sean informed me that Oaks had spent that entire time smiling at him and giving him emphatic kisses. I was speechless. This was light years from anything Oaks had offered us til that point. From then on, should I go fix a bottle, or visit the restroom, or take a phonecall - miracles fell about in my absence. Oaks started playing with the toys we so painstakingly chose. Then he set foot on the detestable carpet. Then he started running, hopping, dancing. Like dominoes knocking down their neighbor, all Oaks' walls started to fall. Well, for Sean, at least. I wanted to be jealous, really I did. I tried to fake indignance. But really, I was just slap-happy thrilled about it all. Baffled and dismayed and deeply grateful for his progress. Oaks fell in love with Sean. Suddenly and with no holding back. We met Oaks one week ago today. He has lived with us for 5 days now. In a weeks time he has turned our world upside down. We don't want to remember a time when he wasn't filling our days with his laughter, squeaks and furrowed brows that need no translation. We switched hotels and moved beside the river. Our room has floor to ceiling windows where Oaks loves to stand and watch the boats go by. Last night a boat parked just below from our room and let off a display of the most fantastic fireworks we have ever witnessed. They were eye level from us and felt close enough to touch. Magic at arms reach. The three of us watched silently. In awe of falling moon dust and love at first sight. Or for some of us, love at fourth sight. And for one of us, waiting on the love that's bound to come. I hate to have my picture taken and Oaks has made that super easy on this trip. I've actually forced my way into some photos with he and Sean just so that in the future he has evidence that I was on this trip, as well. He gazes adoringly at Sean all day and mostly tolerates me. I do keep the pretzel rods in my bag, though, so that has scored me some bonus points. He has shared lots of smiles my way and yesterday gave me, what I consider to be two kisses, and not moist head-butts. We head home tomorrow. Back to our two waiting children. Their absence has surely made this trip a lot easier, and far, far more difficult. We are grateful for these quiet days alone, just the three of us - but miss Eva and Oliver on par with how it felt to be missing Oaks. So strange missing someone you've never met. Our time in Thailand has been sweet. Even the difficult moments have felt so good and so right. Sean and I will be celebrating 8 years of marriage on Wednesday. This is also the day when all of our kids with meet, when we will be a family of five at long last. So grateful for this man who has gladly joined hands with me and navigated this crazy adventure we are on. So grateful for my three sweet babies whom I love so much it physically hurts my heart. So grateful for this journey to our child. Somedays I thought it was all just for play, that we would never actually hold him in our arms. For those of you on the journey, don't lose heart. Don't lose heart. As for us, well, Eva's already talking about finding her a little sister. Let's get this sweet baby home first. Thanks for reading, dear friends. Your kind words have become part of this story and will one day all be shared with Oaks as well. Thank you, thank you.

Adoption Travelogue: Part V

The children arrived promptly at 10 all reday for our excursion to the mall.  I had heard that the social workers plan this outing as a 'more stressful scenario' to help the kids prepare for what is to come.  How can you lose going in with an agenda like that?  We first went to the basement level of the mall which is a nice supermarket.  The social workers helped us pick out some good snacks for Oaks, honorable mention going to the slim pretzel sticks which have worked their magic in more difficult moments that I can count.  After that, we headed upstairs to the department store.  We wanted to get Oaks a new pair of shoes as the only pair that he had were at least a  full size too small and his little toes were always curled up in them.  I chose to believe that if the kid had some sensible footwear then all the world would appear lovelier, present company included.  Getting him to try on shoes was not easy especially as he was enamored/terrified of the headless manequins poised above the shoe deapartment is a ready-to-leap stance.  Clearly his first fake headless people. The first several pairs we tried to purchase, were apparently not stocked - wierd, confusing- and we settled on a pair of Osh Kosh trainers.  I chose not to think about the fact that a week and a half ago we passed through Osh Kosh, WI enroute to O'hare and I could have bought these same shoes for a third the price.  No matter. 

The only other item on our list was a nightlight, as we were planning to prepare our room for Oaks joining us for good the following day.  We made our way to the hardware section of the store.  I was holding Oaks while Sean was paying and I started to baby slow dance with him in the room freshener aisle.  Just as I started to sway, a Taylor Swift song ended and the song Close to You came on. This is one of those moments where you just know in the pit of your stomach that God Himself is DJ-ing the soundtrack to your life. 

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?  Just like me, they long to be close to you.

For the first time, in a conscious state, Oaks laid his head on my shoulder.

 

Why do stars fall down from the sky every time you walk by?  Just like me they long to be close to you.

Then he sighed a satisfied sigh.  Okay, maybe I was just wanting it to be a satisfied one, but that’s how I remember it.

On the day that you were born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true.  So they sprinkled moondust in your hair of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue.

I recognize the reality that his hair is black and his eyes are blacker still but in that moment, in that dance - the words sounded perfect in my ears.  They seemed like they were written for magic to unfold in that very hardware department.  It felt written for us.

That is why all the girls in town follow you all around.  Just like me they long to be close to you. Just like me they long to be close to you.  It struck me then, what is adoption if not a slow dance?

{sadly the last part of this post was deleted, I'll try to rewrite it soon...}

Adoption Travelogue: Part IV

Just before heading out, I fed Oaks a bit of watermelon.  He promptly began to pretend to asphyxiate and then a few minutes later he fell fast asleep on my chest.  We counted the first as a healthy sense of drama and the second as our first of many small victories.

As soon as we set out towards the foster family's village, the van driver informed us that due to recent heavy rains, the road up to their house was impassable.  We would park as close as possible and walk the rest of the way.  Oaks settled in on Sean's lap and tucked his hand inside the neck of Sean's shirt for some additional security.  This was the first glimmer of just how much he would come to adore his dad.

We made our way out past the towering skylines and within an hour, rice paddies filled up the view from our windows.  Another half hour and we were pulling up to Oaks' rice paddy.  The one that he looked out upon each morning and had played beside as long as he has played.  We had little idea what to expect as we made our way up the path to his house.  A river followed along side of us, opposite from the rice field.  Two boats were moored just ahead of the entrance to a cluster of small Thai dwellings that stood proudly off the ground courtesy of stilts.  The foster family owned one of these open-air, tin-roofed huts.  Their extended family owned the others.  People rambled about the little compound, and came quickly to greet us, multiple dogs in tow.

We took of our shoes and were quickly ushered upstairs to Oaks' house.  We watched calm wash over him and a new child emerge.  Bubbly and energetic, he raced about, planting kisses on whomever walked by and laughing uproariously at their tickles.  We had yet to see him stand.  Now he ran about with astounding grace and balance.  He hardly seemed to notice us the rest of the afternoon.

Our time with his foster family was a precious and rare gift.  I say this with not a drop of exaggeration and it is in no part intended as some sort of quaint cliche.  The fact that Oaks even had a foster family and has not lived this past year in an institution, is to us, enormous.  The subsequent fact that his foster family, and their extended family, clearly adore Oaks, and have loved him lavishly as their own, fills us with a debt of gratitude that we can never repay. Then, as if that was not enough... to have time with them, to get to know them and to ask every question that has crossed our minds (and we did), to have his foster mom model how she does this and which way he prefers to have done that - well, it was all almost too wonderful to recount. 

I videotaped nearly the whole thing while Sean walked the property snapping photos with Oaks and his foster brother alongside.  When our flip camera ran out of batteries, I used the video camera on my phone.  I was embarrassed about the onslaught of technology but I didn't want to miss a moment.  Someday these may be treasured heirlooms.  I was not about to risk missing anything.

I inquired if his foster mom had any special memories from the past year.  One of her accounts was of a trip to the marketplace.  Oaks had spotted a ceramic statue of a little laughing Asian boy with a slingshot and thought it would be a wonderful addition to their humble house.  He grabbed for it and broke it, thus forcing the family to purchase it and bring it back home.  They kindly wrapped it for us to take it.  Nearly the only physical memento from his past is a large, heavy, somewhat offensive statue that may be sitting on my lap for international travel.  God has a great sense of humor.

In Thailand, most people's given names are extremely long.  Nearly universally, babies are given nicknames for ease of use.  Oaks' nickname is Ikkyu (EQ).  He is named after a Japanese cartoon character, Ikkyu-San that is popular here in Thailand and throughout Asia.  Ikkyu-San is a Zen Buddhist Monk known for solving problems with his wit and intelligence.  Without fail, people love it when they hear that this is Oaks' namesake.  This is what we, and everyone else have called him while we have been here and we hope to not lose this nickname altogether when we get home.   (Here's a peak at the cartoon if you are curious).  Oaks' foster dad chose this name for him when he arrived at their house at four days old looking very bald, indeed.

I asked his foster mom to explain to Oaks, in our presence, that he would be leaving them soon and going home with us in a couple of days.  She had told Oaks this many times before, and though I knew that it would be difficult for him, I thought it was important for him to hear while we were all there together.  Even at only one years old, it was obvious to everyone there that he understood what she was saying.  He started to fling his body down in despair.  How could he know that this seemingly ideal life was not being offered to him on a permanent basis?  How could he guess at the love and life that waits for him on the other side?

Soon enough it was time to leave.  We gave the family little gifts and some words of thanks that fell so short of what was in our hearts.  The entire family walked us down the road to the waiting van.  We hugged the family goodbye and kissed Oaks while telling him that we would see him tomorrow.  He looked as us as if to say, don't put yourselves out.

He just has no idea how much we are willing to put ourselves out in order to love him.  Sweet baby, we haven't even scratched the surface.

Next up, Trip to the Mall

Adoption Travelogue: Intermission

Too sleepy to write.  More tomorrow.

Adoption Travelogue: Part III

We were instructed to meet our Thai social workers in the lobby of our hotel at 10 am for an orientation.  There are two other families from the States and from our same agency here to pick up their children as well.  One family met and gathered their son earlier in the week, as his foster family lives in the South of Thailand.  We were told that the other two other children would arrive here at the hotel at 10:30 am.  They were late.  After a  two and a half year wait, an additional fifteen minutes inches by in eternity's time.

And then he was here.  We were waiting in the other family's room and all of a sudden, at long and forever last, two social workers walked in with the children.  In that moment it felt like they were walking in carrying our whole world.  Such precious cargo.  We could hear Oaks' quiet crying before we could see him.  Once we laid eyes on his beautiful face, the pitch increased.

I had stared at the 10 or so photographs of him that we had received hungrily over those past months, I had memorized his face.  I had thrilled at his sweet features.  But now, seeing him in flesh and blood, I was convinced that this child was spawn from some sort of nectar of the gods.  That he was, in fact, the most beautiful child that had ever, or will ever, draw breath.  To be fair, I have had similar sentiments twice before, but that does not shake the core reality of this truth deep in my heart.

We let him have his space.  He squirmed and whimpered in the social worker's arms and did all he could to avoid acknowledging our presence.  We let him.  The woman holding him tried to engage him in a bit of play and after a half hour or so, since he was so sad anyways - you know? - I decided to attempt holding my son.   He acquiesced and settled in my arms with an unamused pout. 

We tried to take some photos and video to record this momentous occasion. Oaks glared at us with such disdain that you would think we were trying to poison him.  The only thing that garnered more contempt was should we try to smile towards his general vicinity.  He just wouldn't have it.

The other child, a darling three year old little girl, had come in smiling to greet her new family.  She giggled and smiled and played the entire time.  She seemed instantly smitten with her new lot in life.

At last we headed downstairs to have lunch all together.  Oaks' misery subsided as soon as we set foot outdoors.  There is a koi pond in the garden area where we were having lunch.  He must have stared at those koi for a good thirty minutes.  He either adores fish or was considering jumping to avoid another moment of our smiles.

Oaks obligingly ate a few bites of noodle soup and some rice while he sat on Sean's lap.  The social worker gathered him a few minutes in to get a good meal in his belly.  After lunch we brought him back upstairs to show him our hotel room and it was that obvious he was not impressed with our digs and he was happy to let us know it.  We would soon see what a far cry our temporary residence was from the place that he has always known as home.  It was time to visit Oak's house and with that the only family that he has ever known.

Up next, Oaks' house

{all photos taken with various film/lenses on Hipstamatic app on my iphone}

Adoption Travelogue: Part II

We decided to spend our first full day in Bangkok with a guide in hopes of gaining some additional insight into Thai culture.  We headed out early in the day to possibly hit some of the major sights before the heat and crowds caught up.  We first headed to the Grand Palace.  I recently watched portions of Anna and the King with the kids so I had scenes of Rama V and his life there playing through my mind as we wondered the grounds. 

We visited the Emerald Buddha along with many Buddhist pilgrims who burnt incense, offered flower garlands and dipped lotus blossoms in holy water before ceremoniously anointing their own heads.  

We seemed to join the pilgrimage as we traveled from wat (temple) to wat, always greeted by the resident Buddha statue.  From fantastically large to so small they were hard to spot.   Fat and happy, slim and stoic, standing, lounging, entering nirvana...and these barely scratched the surface of those willing to make our aquaintance.

When we couldn't take much more enlightenment we headed for lunch, which is the next best thing. 

We found a little hole in the wall and partook of some of the world's finest spicy rice with spicy noodles and spicy chicken and spicy papaya.  Even the diet coke seemed to have a little kick.  It's was a  nice way to cool off from the oppressive heat outside.  Nice and refreshed we visited another wat and then headed for the klongs (canals) in a long tail boat.  Here we got to see a side of Bangkok a million miles from the gleaming shopping malls and high rise hotels.  With a boat for an excuse, we made our way into strangers backyards.  From the klong we saw people eat, sleep, work and bathe.  We were uninvited guests, still nearly each person smiled and waved in passing.

After eight hours experiencing Bangkok, we headed in for the night.  We would have an even bigger day tomorrow.  I think we will remember this day as the one when Bangkok stole our hearts.  Such a curious mix of unending skyline - city as far as the eye can see in every direction - and then humbly behind each corner - the small, the quiet, the spiritual and serene. 

As the city where our son first greeted the world, we hope to make Bangkok our city as well.  Maybe not always, but sometimes and often.

Next up, Gotcha Day.

{all photos taken with various film/lenses on Hipstamatic app on my iphone}

Adoption Travelogue: Part I

Perhaps it's because it feels as though an adoption's travelogue is akin to a pregnancy's birth story.

Perhaps it's the jet lag or the heat. Perhaps I have been savoring the little moments as only our own.  Whatever the reason, it has taken me until now to put words to page, and even now if feels forced.  But too many people have prayed.  Walked with us and carried us to not share this journey with them.  So seven days in, and what feels like a million miles late - I will try to recapture where we've been and where we stand today.

We boarded a flight departing from Los Angeles on August 15th at about 11:20 pm.  15 and a half  hours later we touched down in Bangkok on the 17th, somehow skipping my birthday altogether which typically falls on the 16th, unless one outsmarts it.  From one City of Angels to the other. 

Through some random family connections here, we had an armed officer waiting for us when we landed to help us gather our belongings and whisk us through diplomatic customs.  Made me realize that I need more connections. 

Thunder, lightening and sheets or dark rain greeted us, just as rainy season had promised.

We had hired a driver to take us to the sleepy ocean side town of Hua Hin, not one of the more commonly visited beaches by tourists.  This is where the King resides most of the time and is frequented primarily by locals and expats.  We spent 3 lovely days is a jet lag/ Ambien induced haze, took a fantastic cooking class, hit a night market and did little else.  Perhaps the perfect entry. I have decided that I am officially a "low season" person.  Low rates, few people, and a chance of showers.  Just lovely.  But we were ready to move on to Bangkok and get the ball rolling.  Kind rain ushered us back to the city, cooling the way ahead.

Up next, Bangkok.

{all photos taken with various film/lenses on Hipstamatic app on my iphone}

all my bags are packed....

...I'm ready to go.  If you think of us please send out a little prayer, for grace and more grace.

I am hoping to post here about our adoption travels should you be interested in following along.  We are heading out in about 3 hours and should arrive in Thailand on Monday night. 

I don't believe that I can I actually post any pictures of Oaks on the internet before he is officially ours which doesn't happen until nearly a year after we return home.  But I'll try to post some true glimpses of our journey.  

xo - Em

{image by simply hue} 

shabby apple - a giveaway!

I was positively thrilled when Shabby Apple asked me if I would be interested in reviewing one of their dresses.  I have been checking out their shop for some time now and always stumble on something that I really love.  I chose the Bon Voyage dress to review as I thought it would be perfect for our upcoming trip to Thailand.

I am in love with this dress.  From the classic silhouette to the the slight stretch of the fabric, I know that this will be a dress that I could wear time and again.  I was actually thrilled to find out the dress was unlined as I think it makes it much cooler, particularly important to me as I pack it for the tropics.  I am planning to wear it for out adoption court date as I think it is appropriately modest while still comfy, flattering and stylish.  Shabby Apple gets it right again.

And guess what?  They offered me my choice of a second dress for you!  I chose the Nine to Five dress as my best friend, Tawny, owns it, and swears that even when she is feeling like her body isn't looking it's best, she swears by this dress. Who doesn't what a go to piece like that in their closet?

Just leave a comment and I will choose a winner as soon as I get back from Thailand (hopefully the first week of September) - good luck!

travel posters

I am loving this series of travel posters by The Heads of State.  Whimsical, retro & modern. 

I'm thinking of choosing a few for our toy room.  Just not sure how to do the choosing part.

spam

Sorry, folks.  I'm going to have to reinstate moderated comments as I can't stand the spam.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Spam makes me sad.  It feels like someone is spraying graffiti on your personal space.  Yuck.

{image via Marco Folio}

happy birthday, baby

Today is my son's birthday.  He is one and we have yet to meet. 

I have spent the past few weeks trying to figure out how to commemorate this day.  How to celebrate someone while mourning their absence.  My father suggested having a small party as a family with a place set for Oaks.  We could take pictures to show him that we are here, anticipating his arrival.  I love this idea.

Another friend suggested that our family plant an oak tree.  A symbolic gesture to mark the day.  I really love this idea as well.

And yet somehow, without intention, I find myself alone today.  My kids left just yesterday for the mountains with their grandma.  My usually boisterous home is silent.  And somehow this feels right.  A day of quiet vigil, watching and waiting for the celebration to come.

There's a decent chance that not only will there be no festivities for my little one today, but that his day will pass by much like any other. 

This is the last time.  Never, ever again will this day go by without great fanfare.  I promise.

But for today, it will consist of only a couple of letters.  Love letters from strangers.  Detailed accounts from your mom and dad of how you were loved before you were known.  How you were deeply wanted and fervently prayed for before you first gulped in the air of this world.   

Happy birthday, little love.  Your party will wait on you.

{image via mat.}

daily affirmations

I need some of what she's drinking.

thanks, Stacy!

Sseko Designs

My brother-in-law, Jeremy introduced me to this phenomenal little company and I had to share it here but I could do no better introduction than Liz, the founder, does on their site.  I'll let her speak for herself. 

Hello.

My name is Liz.

I like to dream.

I went to Uganda  on somewhat of a whim when I graduated from college in 2008.  Over the past several years, my passion towards the Least of These had continued to grow. Yet, I had never experienced the effects of extreme poverty first-hand.

Now having just spent four years and a couple of pretty pennies for a university education, I couldn't just flee the country without a respectable response to the much dreaded "What are you going to do when you graduate?" question.  To justify such an outlandish adventure to another world, I (thought I) had to have something to DO; I had to have a plan.  My academic background is in journalism and communications, so I went to Uganda with the intention of using my communication skills to assist a youth development organization with their communications, donor relations and quarterly newsletter. 

And this made sense. All through college, that was the plan. To graduate and do PR and communications for a non-profit.

So I set off. To offer the world what I thought I had to offer.

But really, it was a guise.

I went to learn. To understand. To be changed. To break. And to grow.

So I went. And while I was there…

I changed. I broke. And I grew. And I began to understand.

During my time in Uganda, I came across an incredible community called Cornerstone. And in that incredible community there was an incredible group of young women. They were mostly my age.  They became friends.  The commitment of these young women blew me away. I was consistently challenged by the fact that these women saw this incredible education they were receiving through the Cornerstone Leadership Academy as such a gift. And these women were not only committed to learning their subjects,  but also so committed to learning how to love well. To love each other. To reconcile their lives. To lead their countries.

When I came to learn that many of these incredible young women were struggling to find work to finance their university education, Sseko was born.  It seemed so simple.  I designed a sandal that I thought was really beautiful.  I spent weeks, wandering around the city and the markets looking for the things I needed to make them.  I didn't know what I was doing. I laughed at myself, out loud, a lot. I also had a dramatic cry in the rain in the middle of a busy market. Luckily, it was pouring and I didn't bring any mascara with me to Uganda, so I don't think anyone could tell.

I had entered into a community in a world of brokenness and despair, where there was so much hope and success. I was just a small part of a simple solution. Some of these young women are from villages that have never seen one of their own women continue on to University.  And here they were, two years later. They had received an incredible education and were qualified academically to continue.  All they needed was an opportunity.

An opportunity to work.  An opportunity to succeed and earn and save. To work in a place that was dignified and honoring.  To work in an environment and with people who see beyond the now and have a vision for what they will become. 

So that is what I did.  We make beautiful things. We laugh and we love and we dance and we learn. And every nine months, we let go and we send these incredible women off to pursue dreams of their own.

I am still learning.  I am making mistakes and making a mess. But it is a beautiful adventure. 

I love to dream about the future of these women. About the change they will bring and the love they will give. 

But I love dreaming about the here, as well. About building a community of people right here, who love with everything.  Who see shoes as something more than a lifeless product on a shelf. Who see the lives and the dreams of the hands who made them.

Thanks for being a part of loving these women. Thanks for looking beyond the mess of the now and seeing a brighter future for them and us, for their country and for ours. 

Love,
Liz


These are the sandals that Liz designed and that the ladies of Sseko build a future from.  You purchase the sandal base and then can choose a pair (or several) sandal straps in a myriad of hues and patterns.  I think they are really beautiful and I love the story that they tell.

You can be a part of that story here.

Four Seasons Tented Camp

Thank you for all your prayers, the fingerprinting went off with out a hitch so if all goes smoothly from here, we should be heading to Bangkok on the 15th of August.  I cannot wait!

If you have been reading my blog for very long then you probably know that both Sean and I are a little fanatical about great hotels.  Discovering amazing places is like a hobby to us.  One niche in particular that gets me every time are luxury tent accommodations.  In my mind it's hard to compete with luxurious accommodations that are set within fantastic natural surroundings.  You may seen my previous posts- here, here, and here - on glamping (glamorous camping - and no, I did not make this up!)

Well, here's my latest find.  Nestled in an elephant reserve within the Golden Triangle of Thailand's North is this little gem offered by Four Seasons.  Sadly, we will not be staying there but a girl can dream, right?

If you have some extra baht to throw down, you can book your very own tent here.  Send a post card, would you?

midsummer night's dream

Sorry, friends.  I know that it has been awhile.  The lake was fantastic.  All one could want - old friends, relaxed family, far too much good food, and days of nothing but water on the itinerary.  We even got a bit of work done on the lakehouse.  This will definitely be an ongoing, little at a time project but I will be sure to post some pictures as it progresses. 

No we find ourselves back home, halfway through summer and I have nothing but Bangkok on the brain.  We have airline tickets for 32 days from now. We have been waiting on our "invitation to be fingerprinted" (this is not the place for me to rant and rave on this topic) but yesterday we received word that have been extended this invitation for 5 days prior to when we are set to travel.  Needless to say, that's not gonna work if we hope for the Thai government to let us keep our August 25th court date.   Our only chance at this point, is to take our "invite" in as soon as it arrives in the mail and ask for them to fingerprint us immediately rather than on our scheduled date. If you are a praying person, would you mind asking for a kind-hearted fingerprint person that is willing to bend protocol on our behalf? 

Thank you.  Really.

{image via Stuck in Customs}

lake house

Sean's parents recently purchased a lake house just in time for the fourth.  Kindly, (and with just a bit of arm twisting) they are letting us have a bit of say in the design & decor.  To say that Sean and I are opinionated is a gross understatement and I'm hoping all of these relationships remain intact through the coming weeks.  We are heading out on Wednesday to begin to tackle the beast.  If there has been one main source of inspiration for us, it would be this lake house, owned and transformed by Thom Filicia.  Not only do we love the aesthetics but the house we are working on has several similar structural elements to Thom's.  I can't wait.  I have been chomping at the bit to have a big project to sink my teeth into.  (Not sure why I am using such carnivorous imagery, I guess that 's just what design stirs up in me.)

daily painters

Are you familiar with the website daily painters?  I love this site.  It is an online gallery featuring the work of over 150 different artists, containing over 30,000 pieces.  Every day new juried pieces are posted.  I love to go on and choose my favorite piece for the day and pretend I could "but it now" if only I decided to give in to the whim.  Fortunately, if I ever do, the prices are really reasonable.  If you are ever in the market for a pretty piece of art, this is a great place to check out.  Just keep scrolling through the previous days until you find the one.

My favorite today was the painting above, "Arrested by Art" by Robin Cheers.

the wonderful world of apple

Several months ago I smashed my iPhone face to smithereens. I really liked the phone (every part of it other than the fact that I could actually make & receive calls, I could have done without that feature), and I never meant to treat it so cruelly. And yet the phone has survived, operating nearly as good as usual.  I have paid penance by having to pick out small shards of glass from it's face or mine, from time to time.  A small price to pay, really.  And lo and behold, due to the kindness of the fourth generations arrival, I am up for upgrade ahead of schedule.  Blessed be. 

I have gone back and forth about signing on with AT & T for another two years.  I have gone back and forth about continuing on with a gadget that is far too enjoyable, addictive, and useful then any one gadget should be.  It is just not conducive to healthy marriages and families, and now there's a fancier phone at that.  And as if the struggle was not hard enough - me and my love and hatred of technology -  Steve Jobs has to take it to another level altogether.

I read a friend's facebook entry which led me to a blog post which led me to some articles detailing how Steve Jobs has made a public stand against pornography.  Here's a quote:

 As you might expect, this has triggered a frenzy among some critics. Ryan Tate, a writer for the Gawker website, sniped at Jobs about suppressing his customers’ “freedom,” prompting Jobs to respond, “Yep, freedom from programs that steal your private data. Freedom from programs that trash your battery. Freedom from porn. Yep, freedom.”

When Tate replied that he didn’t want “freedom from porn,” Jobs answered, “You might care more about porn when you have kids.” In a correspondence with a consumer, Jobs went even further, speaking of his company’s “moral responsibility to keep porn off the iPhone.”

 This kind of upfront stance simply doesn't seem to happen from the front of major corporations anymore. I, for one, believed that morality and industry was a tie that had been totally severed.  All this to say, Steve Jobs may have ostracized a lot of potential costumers with these one stance, but I am more loyal than ever.

Any thoughts on this?  Do you think corporations have any moral, or at least ethical, responsibilities?

p.s. here's the word on the new glass that they are using : 

All the breakthrough technology in iPhone 4 is situated between two glossy panels of aluminosilicate glass — the same type of glass used in the windshields of helicopters and high-speed trains. Chemically strengthened to be 20 times stiffer and 30 times harder than plastic, the glass is ultradurable and more scratch resistant than ever. It’s also recyclable.

holding on loosely

A little under a month ago we received word that we would tentatively be traveling to Thailand at the end of August to meet our son, and then bring him home.  After two and a half years it was as though we were at last glimpsing the end of what has felt like a long, dark tunnel.  I could see embers, a glowing shimmering light ahead.  Later the embers grew to flames as we watched, horrified, as portions of Bangkok were set on fire.  As embassies closed and curfews were placed over 23 provinces, I could feel my anticipation and excitement fall away.  I came to the sudden conclusion that we wouldn't be going to Thailand in August, we would probably never be going at all.  This revelation was as dramatic and over the top as many of my third trimester hallucinations when I was sure the baby was not coming, and was in fact, never coming out.

Things have begun to calm down in Thailand, well at least on the surface, and we are moving ahead as on schedule. But I am struck again by a simple truth.  We hold our children loosely.  Most of us grew up dreaming of the families that we would one day have.  We dreamt of those babies before they were ever conceived, and for many I know that dream died hard, painfully, as they have still yet to conceive.  Whoever warned us to hold the dreams of these children loosely? 

Then in the womb, or as we are exepeincing, a "paper pregnancy" - there are no promises. I remember praying feverishly through both of my pregnancies, and again now, that my children would be healthy, perfect. How I sighed with relief when I first held them, all of my prayers having been answered.  I wanted so much to believe that the deal was sealed, healthy for life, perfect from there on out.  That simply is not how life works. 

I am learning how to hold my children tightly, and loosely.  This moment is ours to live fully, and we better, as it's on its way out the door.  Beyond this one moment, I have no guarantees.  If I hold them too tight and don't let them run, fall, live - I've ruined the moment before its ended.  The trick is to love them all the way to the detriment of my own heart.  Selflessly, for their good more than mine - then lighten my grip and hold them loosely, with no guarantees.

{image by mistybliss}