grab bags

Just after college I had the opportunity to participate in something called a "poverty simulation".   For one weekend, me and about 20 others received a crash course on poverty in America.  We learned about many reasons, misconceptions and even possible solutions for this complicated topic.  From there we "took to the streets".  With nothing but the clothes on our backs and a sleeping bag, we spent the weekend figuring out how to make-do.  It was very humbling and very eye-opening.  I remember a group of former sorority sisters driving by wide-eyed as I stood on a corner with a sign asking for help.  Undoubtedly, it was one of the best experiences of my life.  Sometimes we need to stand on the other side of the sign to gain some perspective. 

One of the bits of wisdom that I remember most from that time was that when you approach a homeless person, whether walking up or approaching them in your car - make eye contact.  If you don't want to give them anything else, at least offer them a smile.  Many of us avoid eye contact at all cost, not wanting to engage the person in any way.  We were taught about the dehumanizing effect of person after person avoiding eye contact with someone.  It can be more crippling than nearly any other aspect of poverty.  We don't know this person's story, and really it doesn't matter.  What matters is that this person is another member of the human race and should be treated as such.

My kids are really interested in the homeless people in our area.  I have spent the last year kicking myself whenever I forget to have something on hand to offer them as I always like to give something.  So finally a couple of weeks back I finally got my bottom over to Sams and the kids and I walked the aisles determining what would be the best items to include in our "grab bags" for our homeless neighbors.  We ended up getting large ziploc freezer bags and filling them each with a water bottle, clif bar, beef jerkey, toothbrush, breath strips, wet wipes, gum, chapstick, and a pair of socks. We also wrote little notes and added those as well. The whole thing cost a little over $100 for about 25 bags.  I refer to them as grab bags beacuse the point is to keep them on hand so you have something to grab and offer when you need it.

We put several in my car and several in my husbands.  The kids loved putting the bags together and it spawned lots of lively conversation about a myriad of related topics.  They are now quick to point out when they see a homeless person and are thrilled to have something to share with them.  It's a small thing.  It may not change the face of poverty in this nation, but it sure changes the face of the neighbor we just met. 

Sean suggested that we add area shelter information and I am going to try to get that into the bags today.  It has been such a great project for the kids, and for us.  I'm hoping that we stick with this one for the long haul and as we start to run low on bags we quickly run out and replenish.  It's such a small effort to demonstrate love to some folks that may really be needing some.  

{image by dailyad}

destination: North Carolina

We're back.  The whole thing was pretty sublime, really.  Very mild temperatures, brilliant autumn displays, misty rain, fog, sunshine, blue skies, and days of uninterrupted time with my Love.  It was as near to perfection as I've experienced. 

Here's a quick run-down of our favorites, should you find yourself lucky enough to be heading to the Old North State:

We spent the first couple of days in the Triangle area.  We stayed at the Carolina Inn beside the UNC campus and it was lovely and southern and the perfect location from which to explore the region.  We ate at  La Farm and Watts Grocery.  Both very good but nothing compared to the local institution, Sunrise Biscuit Kitchen.  This place doesn't even have tables, it's only drive-thru, and the line heads out onto the road and pretty decently backs up traffic.  With good reason...those biscuits are the real deal. 

We also took a historic trolley tour of Raleigh which we really enjoyed.  Of the region, we fell most in love with Chapel Hill.

From there we headed up to Asheville.  Had we any idea how much we would adore it, we would have gone nowhere else.  Downtown, the River Arts District, The Blue Ridge Parkway, The Biltmore - each stop was more fantastic then the last.  We were, quite literally, in our version of heaven. 

We ate at The Admiral - a fantastic dive gastro-pub, The Sunny Point Cafe - where Sean who is the picture of understatement claimed he had the best meal of his life (fried green tomato sandwich, goat cheese, & bacon on a croissant) and 12 Bones, where I know I had the best sandwhich of my life - a BLT, green tomatoes.  We left town with a new obsession - can you guess what it is?

Needless to say, you had to tear us away from that town.  I think we have found "our place" that we will be returning to again and again.  We even found the most amazing, secluded lake that we now fantasize about one day owning a little place on. 

Speaking of secluded little get-aways - the Biltmore, wowza.  My sisters family breezed through there last summer and were less than impressed so I have to say that I had low expectations.  Yes, it is the largest private residence in the country, but sometimes it's like - you've seen one big fancy house, you've seen them all.  Well Sean and I were pretty much blown away by the whole place.  And I fully understand why my sisters clan was not.  If you are in the vicinity, I HIGHLY recommend going to the Biltmore.  At $60 a person, you want to know that you are getting your moneys worth - and there is plenty to see and do to make a day of it.  Give yourself lots of time to see it all.  But this is the crucial part - don't go if you're not going to pay the extra $10 a person and get the guided audio tour.  Without it, it is just another big, fancy home.  The tour really makes the place come alive.  There is so much fascinating back story and intricate detailing that you totally miss on your own.  To fully appreciate the home you need to understand the man who built it and the people who stayed there.  We will be going back, next time with more time on our hands.  And I'll be bringing a notebook to jot things down.  The style inspiration there was endless.

{Funny side note: We saw The Duggar family and their camera crew while we were at the Biltmore.  I think that I heard that they were filmimg their Christmas episode there.  I really wanted to talk with Jim-Bob and Michelle.  I have questions.}

So, it was a splendid weekend.  I am so happy to be back with my babies but really I just want to pack them up and head back.  One day, perhaps.

{Here are some great resources...we used "The Newcomers Guide to North Carolina", "Travel North Carolina""Backroads of North Carolina" to help plan our trip.}

rendezvous

I'm off to meet my Love for our weekend away. Wishing you a weekend full of bright leaves, soft sweaters and plenty of good time with the one that you love most.  Be back Tuesday!

xo

image from {this is glamorous}

happy anniversary

Forty-two years ago today my parents eloped.

I called this morning to wish them a happy anniversary and my dad yelled to my mom that it was almost wedding time.  He was recounting the exact hour that they had met at the church to say their vows with only a very few friends there privy to their secret.  You see, my mother was Jewish, my father, Catholic.  My mothers' father forbid them to see each other, let alone marry.

My father went on to tell me, this morning on the phone, how just the month before, on his birthday he had bought himself a yellow Camaro convertible.  It was the first year that Camaros were available and he went in and bought the lone one off the showroom floor.  In those days, batteries didn't come sealed as you had to add water yourself.  Apparently the dealership had forgotten to add water to the battery and it died on this very morning, forty-two years ago.  My father had taken the car to be washed just before heading to the church and that's where it died.  Some water to the battery, a jumpstart, and a quick wash later and he was off to the chapel.

I loved hearing him recount every detail.  I love that he has tucked it all away in his heart, precious because of what it all meant.  That washing the car was his final act of singleness.  That he was anxious over the dead battery because his bride was waiting.  I love how forty-two years later he still watches the clock to mark the hour.  I am so thrilled that the sweet lace dress my mother wore that day, off the rack from Saks, I got the chance to wear at my own wedding.

I love that today, so many years later, the two of them are out together alone for the day - looking for adventure.  Trying new things. Relsihing what they've been given and what they still have.

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!  Your marriage is not only a gift to each other but also to us, your children.  Thank you.

leaves

Sean and I are taking off alone next Friday to go to North Carolina, drive up the Blue Ridge Parkway and leaf gaze.  We also plan to hop out of the car and crunch, crunch, crunch our way up Grandfather Mountain and maybe try to see some of the waterfalls, as well.

I cannot wait. 

{images: 1, 2, 3, 4}

Johnny & June

A couple of weeks back, Sean and I were finishing up listening to our recent road trip book-on-tape, Sex God by Rob Bell. There was a chapter entitled Johnny & June that hit me upside the head while I was listening and has remained with me since then.  In the chapter, Bell discusses the renowned love story of Johnny and June Cash.  Few people's love stories stand out from the others, and theirs was marked by deep friendship, lifelong devotion and mutual respect.  Apparently, Johnny did little without first letting his wife weigh in.  Her feedback was essential to him. 

I think most want this kind of love story but far fewer want to do what it takes to have it.  I see that in myself sometimes, too tired to do the hard work.  Or other days, too offended.  At one point in the chapter, Bell refers to the kind of woman that love their spouses well when he is doing things right.  And then, in turn, love their spouse less well, when he is falling short.  I think I may do this sometimes, as well.  And hearing someone say it out loud felt like a lodged dagger.  Still feeling the sting of it, I was thinking through that idea a few days ago and this thought came to my mind:

love him like he's doing everything right, and he just might.

What this idea is not, is one of manipulation to get what you want, because that's not love.  The heart behind it is loving my spouse unconditionally.  Good days, bad days - no matter.  My kindness and affection for him look the same regardless of his "performance".  How freeing this would be for both of us, a constant love. 

And maybe, just maybe, that kind of love would free him to be the very best version of himself.  And then me the best version of myself.  It's just a thought, but one surely worth trying.  Isn't that what I vowed to do after all?  Love him fully, at all times, regardless?

I really liked Sex God, by the way, and wholeheartedly recommend it.  Don't be turned off by the title.  And now I'm itching to read Johnny Cash's autobiography.  Not to try to live out their great love story.  But maybe to be nudged into living out ours.

{image of the Johnny & June}

Our Union by Hafiz

I am in love with every detail of Joanna & Alex's wedding but it was this reading from their ceremony that I can't get out of my head:

Our union is like this:

You feel cold, so I reach for a blanket to cover our shivering feet.
A hunger comes into your body, so I run to my garden and start digging potatoes.
You asked for a few words of comfort and guidance, and I quickly kneel by your side offering you a whole book as a gift.
You ache with loneliness one night so much you weep, and I say here is a rope, tie it around me, I will be your companion for life.

{photo of Alex & Joanna by Max Wanger}

anniversary gift

This is the anniversary gift that I made for Sean.  I haven't framed it yet but you get the general gist.  It was our seven year anniversary so I purchased each "love stamp" from the past seven years.  This was not nearly as easy as I thought it would be.  It wasn't even easy figuring out what the correct stamps were.  Someone should definitely come up with an organized stamp chronicling site, just sayin'. 

I decided to use the little envelopes to illustrate what vagabonds we have been during the course of our marriage.  Seven addresses in six years, that's serious.  So each year's love stamp corresponds with the address that we occupied at that time. 

The final envelope reads "forwarding address: home is with you. wherever that might be."

(This is actually going to be one of a three part series, more on those soon.)

the luckiest by Ben Folds

I wanted to be done...I tried to be done, I'm just not yet done.

Humor me with one more song, please.

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest
What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?
And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest
I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you
Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away
I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know
That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I'd like to dedicate a song:

(I would just do this over the radio, but Sean only listens to NPR and I don't think that they take song requests.  So this is the only spot he'll surely get it...)

Could you please play Patty Griffin's "When It Don't Come Easy"?   (Listen here.)

to Sean, my love.

Red lights are flashing on the highway
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight
Everywhere the waters getting rough
Your best intentions may not be enough
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight

But if you break down
I'll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I'll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don't come easy

I don't know nothing except change will come
Year after year what we do is undone
Time keeps moving from a crawl to a run
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home

You're out there walking down a highway
And all of the signs got blown away
Sometimes you wonder if you're walking in the wrong direction

But if you break down
I'll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I'll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don't come easy

anniversary

Today is Sean & my seven year anniversary.  As I was looking through a stack of perfectly styled wedding photos I came across this one.  It's from our rehearsal dinner, the night before we became one.  What is so striking to me about this photo is how perfectly it embodies our marriage.  We didn't live together before we were married and unlike the current popular trend, we didn't consummate our marriage until after it was official.  And yet that naive couple there is so eerily similar to us, seven years wiser, that is leaves me quiet and startled.  (Here in the photo, we are already present at our rehearsal dinner and Sean is helping me put an earring in.  So typical of us both.)

Life often feels too difficult to navigate alone.  When times are good we long for someone to share the view with.  When times are hard, someone to help us up, dust us off and make us presentable.  In Sean, God sent me a helper.  Someone to sojourn this tricky course of life with. He has been my faithful companion. Near, every step of the way.  

Beloved - I can't see far up ahead, but I have the sense that something really lovely is just beyond the horizon.  Lets go find it together, shall we?

fears aside

If it isn't the extremists then it's the economy. 

Or on any given day I might choose to fret over any lack whatsoever in the areas of health, happiness or even home decor.  I keep the news turned off as I no longer care to heed the call to fear... may it be over autism or socialism or materialism or any of their ism cousins.

Instead I like to play this song on repeat until those dark lies fade:

Show the Way by David Wilcox

You say you see no hope, you say you see no reason
We should dream that the world would ever change
You're saying love is foolish to believe
'Cause there'll always be some crazy with an Army or a Knife
To wake you from your day dream, put the fear back in your life...

Look, if someone wrote a play just to glorify
What's stronger than hate, would they not arrange the stage
To look as if the hero came too late he's almost in defeat
It's looking like the Evil side will win, so on the Edge
Of every seat, from the moment that the whole thing begins
It is...

Love who makes the mortar
And it's love who stacked these stones
And it's love who made the stage here
Although it looks like we're alone
In this scene set in shadows
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us
But it's love that wrote the play...
For in this darkness love can show the way

So now the stage is set. Feel you own heart beating
In your chest. This life's not over yet.
so we get up on our feet and do our best. We play against the
Fear. We play against the reasons not to try
We're playing for the tears burning in the happy angel's eyes
For it's...

Love who makes the mortar
And it's love who stacked these stones
And it's love who made the stage here
Although it looks like we're alone
In this scene set in shadows
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us
But it's love that wrote the play...
For in this darkness love can show the way

You can listen to it here.

{image by macropoulo}

summertime, part deux

Well, we're back from KCMO and I find myself in the second half of summer.  We have been traveling like crazy but now it's time to ease back into some routine. These last six weeks have been just what I needed - full of fresh sights and adventures - but more, good time spent with so many people that I love best on this earth.  My cup is full. And man-oh-man am I blessed with some of the best friendships* out there.  

Today I will be doing the requisite unpacking, grocery shopping, signing kids up for swim lessons & VBS... but all the while I will continue to bask in the glow of these past days, well spent.  

 *speaking of best friendships - thank you to Tawny for your awesome guestposts.  I have begged her to continue to stop in every now and then with some fun finds.  Thank you, friend!

{image by tookie}

Fathers

I believe with all of my heart that the reason I chose to marry such a great man was because my father is such a great man.  It is hard for me to imagine growing up seeing greatness modeled year after year and then choosing other than that for your own future. 

I know this is probably not typical, being blessed in both birth and in marriage the way that I have been - and I never want to take it for granted. 

I have heard it said before that we view God through the lens of how we see our own father.  That would definitely explain why I see God as One Who always wants me near.  As One Who wants only to keep me safe and cares about my every little need.  I see God this way because that's how my own dad has always loved me. 

I sense that my children may have similar ease in knowing the love of God.  Sean has been every bit as involved in raising our children as I have.  On any given day you are just as likely to find him changing diapers or giving baths or reading books to our kids before nighttime prayers.  

My guess is that my children will see God as One who wants to be near to them.  One who is intimately involved in the matters of their days.  One Who's love is readily available and evident in the great and mundane moments of life.  

Can you tell that I'm unbelievable grateful for the dads in my life?

I love you, Dad.  

I love you, Sean.

Thank you for choosing to love your families so unselfishly.  We are forever better because of it.

{image of me & my dad}

Catalog of Love

I am already plotting when & how I can use this idea that I spotted over at Poetic Home.  Grace came up with the idea of re-purposeing a old wooden card catalog box as a perpetual anniversary gift for her husband.  What a great way to record special dates, favorite quotes or poems, and even the mundane "Pouring just one cup of coffee started my missing you all over again" - that I was thinking this very morning.  The little moments and large all cataloged away for future reference. 

You can use this handy Catalog Card Generator to get you started. 

embroidered text messages

I have texting disabled on my phone because I haven't the patience.  But these, oh these - have made me judge all my texting judgments.

I love embroidery.  And romantic notes.  

And now, I love these too:

 

found here.

Happy Birthday Sweet Oliver!

Today is my little man's birthday.  He's three.  Oh, and he's perfect.  Even his stinky attitude is pretty scrumptious. One of my favorite Oliver memories of this past year was just before this photo was taken. He came downstairs wearing a diaper, a dirty shirt, a Mexican straw hat, and his sister's Hello Kitty striped sunglasses - to which she exclaimed - "Oh Oliver!  You look like eleven bucks!"

She meant it as a compliment as she intended to say that he looked like a million bucks.  But as you can see, he did look an awful lot like 11 bucks. 

We celebrated this third birthday with tacos & a batman cake.  

A scooter, a bike, a backhoe, & a small working wind turbine (!) were all showered upon Mr. Oliver Everett by Grandmas & Grandpas alike.  

And of course lots of balloons with prayers & blessings scrawled across them were released up to heaven.

Man, am I grateful for this little boy.  

the vows

Sean to me:

"Em, I lay down my independence and the claims I have on myself so that you can take full possession of all that I am.  From this day until my last, I belong to you; never to be my own or any others.

As your husband, I will lead us, by the Spirit, in walking intimately with Jesus, serving Him and walking humbly before Him all of our days.  And I promise to provide for your needs, to defend and protect you; to stand up for and stand by you all my days.

As your lover, I give my body and my love unconditionally, unreservedly, and unashamedly to you.  And I promise to warm you when you are cold, to hold you gently, to kiss you passionately, and to speak kindly to you all my days.

As your friend, I will be loyal and trustworthy, making myself a safe place for you.  I will be transparent and honest, letting nothing put distance between us.  And I promise to do lots of fun things with you, to travel the world with you as much as possible, and to run this race with you for all my days.

Together with God, let’s be dreamers and let our dreams collide and become one.  Then, let’s live to pursue that dream together.

Emily Paige, I will and I choose to love you until my dying day."

Me to Sean:

"I choose you,  Sean, to be my lifelong lover.  To walk this earth with, not differentiating  work from play, and adding it all as worship unto our King. 

It is in this place that I offer you my life to bind together with your own.  For tonight I give myself to you - fully - without condition or reservation.  All that I am and all that I have is yours.  I will never take it back.

Tonight I accept your hand, your love, and your name as my own.  I receive you as God's perfect gift to me.  By His grace I will never take this gift for granted.

For our God has fashioned me perfectly to serve as your helper, lover, comforter & friend.  Therefore, I vow to ever love Him first that I might love you well. 

I submit myself to you now as unto the Lord Himself, yielding to His shielding sovereignty in our lives.  In that, I choose always to believe your words, trust your actions, and know your love. 

Sean, I want to be hand and hand with you in the days when you are healthy and wealthy and things are going your way.  But nearer to you still when you are sick or sad or poor.

The Lord has assigned you, Sean, for my portion and my cup.  I take you tonight as my husband, securing my lot.  Clearly the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.  I couldn't be more thrilled with my inheritance.  "

{ketubah by Tawny Cooper, calligraphy by Rebecca Trawick}

what kind of a wedding?

I remember flying into Chicago just after we became engaged.  We were meeting my dad to visit our Country Club and talk through details of potentially having our wedding there.  Years earlier my sister had a lovely wedding reception at the Club and less then three months after our wedding day my brother would have his reception there as well.  It just seemed like a good, logical choice.  And this country club really is just beautiful. 

After leaving the club Sean, my father and I went to lunch and began to discuss the details of our wedding more in depth.  Sean & I were grappling with what kind of wedding did we really want to have.  It was the funniest details that kept coming back up.  The dress code.

Sean & I had been to a couple of rather interesting events where people were dressed in the full gamut of clothing styles.  Literally there were women in pageant gowns and men in shorts.  It was rough.  This was the main thing we were hoping to avoid.  We were even considering making it black tie just so no one could miss it.  My father informed us that if we made the event black-tie, he was sure his family would not attend.  We did not choose black tie.  And most of them did not attend anyway. 

We really did not care what the formality was - we were great with everyone in flip flops - so long as they were all on the same page.  

Here were the other things we knew we wanted:

We wanted the wedding to look & feel like who we are as a couple.  We wanted people to leave sensing that they knew us better.

We wanted it to feel very intimate.  We wanted our guests to be participants in this event,  not merely spectators. 

And lastly, we wanted people to really enjoy themselves.

That was the kind of wedding we wanted to have. 

{calligraphy by Bluebird Studios}

wedding week

I would like to start featuring more weddings on here and what better place to begin then with my own wedding. 

Sean & I loved our wedding. 

We always say it was the best date we’ve ever been on.  And it should be.   The whole thing costs a bundle and the bride & groom (hopefully) get to determine nearly every detail. 

Still, it was seven years ago right now that Sean & I were in the throes of wedding planning and I cannot believe how much has changed in the wedding industry in those seven years.  So even though there are a few things that I might tweak, all in all we were so very thrilled with the whole event. 

I’m going to spend this week going through the details of our planning & actual wedding.  I'm hoping some of my lessons & pitfalls may be of help to any brides-to-be out there.  Should you have no interest in weddings or ours in particular, you may want to check back in next week.  For those who are interested, here goes...